The First And Worst Record

by Shit Hits The Fan

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"Rien City’s finest punk rock band’s long awaited first and worst full-length album. Featuring twelve social critical and tongue-in-cheek songs that are actually not that bad at all!"

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released September 21, 2013

All music and lyrics by Shit Hits The Fan
Recorded at Rien City Studio's, Rien - summer 2013
Drums recorded at Studio Hitfabryk, Gytsjerk.
Mixed and mastered by Douwe Booij at Sound Paradigm Productions.

Bram de Vries - Vocals
Jouke Rispens - Guitar
Steve Erwin - Bass
Douwe Booij - Drums

Shit Hits The Fan - 'The First And Worst Record'
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Morning Wood Records The Netherlands

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Track Name: Intro
(No words)
Track Name: Redshirt
Don’t you wonder why you always fucking die?
Nothing to say, so it’s all completely right
You don’t have much words in this film
So it really doesn’t matter if you’re gonna get killed

Redshirt, first one to die
Someone has to be the sacrifice
Redshirt, first one to die
The guy who has to give his life

So this character hasn’t got much to say
Then he’s gonna die most certainly
Well, man, I’m sorry
But you’re the redshirt in this story
Track Name: Die In A Cesspit
Police canceled the punk rock show
So you went to the streets, the way to go
You set someone’s car on fire
Burned it down right to the wire
Someone lives in that house over there
But you break the windows cuz you don’t care
You think you think that’s really punk?
You’re nothing but a dumb little fuck

I hope you die in a cesspit
You’re nothing but a piece of shit
I hope you die in a cesspit
You’re nothing but a hypocrite
Track Name: Ban The Emo Scene
You dyed your hair and wear your sisters pants
Then you cry in a corner cause no one understands
Dress like a clown is a great invention
So why cry about the negative attention?

All the time those constant whines about how your life sucks
When will you realize that no one in the world gives a fuck?

Ban the emo scene
We’ve got to ban the
Ban the emo scene
We’ve got to ban the
Ban the emo scene
We’ve got to ban the
And them fucking kill them all

Now you slit your wrists because you wanted to die
But it didn’t turn out well cause you’re still alive
Give me your hand and take this gun
It’s gonna be an advantage for everyone
The world is gonna be a better place
If we erase the emo’s from the human race
If you agree with me come sing along
Because being emo is just fucking wrong
Track Name: Spank The Monkey
My mother caught me masturbating
She told my crush and now she hates me
At school the girls think I’m a creep
I think it’s them for them to see

I’m not ashamed of it
So why don’t we just admit that

Pulling dick is nice
Spank your monkey twice
I don’t mind if anyone sees
That my pants are hanging down my knees
Pulling dick is nice
Spank your monkey twice
Why is it such a taboo?
It’s what men are supposed to do

My sister found my porn collection
And she asked me what’s wrong with me
I said I need to cause erection
In times of desperate need

No need for hesitation
Time for global masturbation
Track Name: Lyrics
Our singer
He won’t sing
The lyrics
We wrote

He says they’re too soft
It’s not punk enough
Our lyrics should be
Violent and rough

Whoo hoho wooooo hoho ho

Our singer
He won’t sing
The lyrics
We wrote

Everything we wrote sucks
The songs don’t include enough fucks
Not enough shits, faggs and whores
Are placed in chorus
Track Name: A Bridge Too Narrow
Why does music today all sound the same?
Adapt to popularity to try to make a name
Change your image and polish your sound
Well, I’m sure your fans must be proud

Music today seems to be
More and more attached to the mainstream
And why do only few know
That songs shouldn’t be a bridge too narrow

Keep on making shit nobody wants to hear
I’m not sure how long I can bear
The quality of music is going down
Something’s gotta change now
Track Name: Straight To Hell
The only thing I know, is that I don’t know nothing at all
And as far as I’m concerned, the system’s gonna fall
Empty fucking words, our government’s a curse
Smoke and mirrors, makebelieve, when will anyone see
They don’t give a fuck about society
They don’t give a shit about you
Saving themselves is all they want to do
The government has lost, lost all control

Government – smoke and mirrors
Government – a makebelieve
Government – we must attack
And then take all the power back

Where did all the money go?
I’m sure the politicians know
It’s right in their pockets

“In these times we all lose”
What a fucking beautiful excuse
Because my money is right there in your pockets
Track Name: Uninvited Guest
I threw a party at my house
Invited friends, my band, some more
Suddenly you knocked on my door
Shouting “I’m here for the booze and whores”

I should’ve known it’s not okay
But I let you in anyway
Cause I’m a nice guy
And sometimes I am wondering why
At the moment you were in
You took my bottle of gin
Made out with a random teen
You’re the biggest loser I’ve ever seen

Uninvited guest
You better clean up that mess
Uninvited guest
Or I’m going to kick your ass

You drank all the liquor and the booze
Twice you spilled your drink, no more
Opened the fridge and ate my food
Then you puked right in the sink
What the fuck is wrong with you?
Not sure what I am going to do
Stab your balls or break your neck
When I’m about to snap

You fucked someone else in my bedroom
Yeah, we noticed, you didn’t close the door
You left the condom under my pillow and then you fell asleep on the floor
Fucking things up like that isn’t the way to go. Follow and I will show you the front door
Track Name: Old People
I was walking down the street
Life flashed before my eyes when two seniors took a little ride
They were driving towards me
Death is all I could see
Cause old people can’t drive and surely make you die

I could get away
I was able to survive
But they were still on the road and taking people’s lives
When they shut the door fifty people were no more
Our lives are at risk and they just don’t notice

Old people can’t park
Old people can’t drive
Deaf and blind but they don’t mind, we must unite
We’ve got to make sure
We’ve got to find a way
To keep the old people at bay

Old people, don’t let them drive
Take their license away if you want to stay alive
Old people, take their license away

Wouldn’t it be great if the streets would be save
There is one simple way to keep the old people away
Ban them of the streets
Take their license real hard
Make sure they will never be able to drive

Millions of people would still be alive
If we didn’t let old people drive
Put a senior behind the wheel
And a massacre will reveal
Track Name: You Want Fries With That?
My mother tells me I should do the dishes
You want fries with that?
My boss asks me if I can work till late
You want fries with that?
My girlfriend says I should shave my sack
You want fries with that?

People never seem, seem to understand I don’t want to do the things they ask
If anybody says or tells me what to do. They can just leave, go home, fuck you
People never seem, seem to understand I don’t want to do the things they ask
Gotta live for myself. Instead for someone else because life is lame if you live like a slave

My teacher tells me I should do my homework
You want fries with that?
My dad asks me if I can bring him some beer
You want fries with that?
My girlfriend wanted to grow my dick
You want fries with that?

Need some fastfood when I’m upset
I order a burger cause I need a snack
But then I became so fucking mad
When she asked me if I wanted some fries with that
Don’t need you fries
Don’t need your shit
If I wanted fries
I would have said it

McDonalds asks me if I want some fries
I don’t want your fries
Burger King asks me if I want some fries
I don’t want your fries
Your mother asks me if I want some fries
I don’t want your fries
Track Name: Unicorns And Rainbows
I live in a dreamworld of happiness and peace
An euforic state of mind is all I please
The limits of color is all I want to see
While floating on the river of serenity

Unicorns and rainbows
Are always on my mind
Green fields and blue skies
Make me feel alright

Let’s take another ride on cloud nine
The wind blows softly and the sun will always shine
On the mountain of elation is where I stand
When we are walking hand in hand

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